obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
