Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
