i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I deserve this hangover.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
