At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
