thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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