Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
