I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
