it wasn't lemon gatorade
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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