Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My vagina just clenched in fear
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
