That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
