she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
