I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
