Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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