I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
