yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
