hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
