You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
