apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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