Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
