Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You need Xanax blowdarts
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
