I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
