I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
