literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
