Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
