I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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