thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I stole a fireplace last night.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
