erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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