he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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