Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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