Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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