i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
