This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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