oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
