i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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