PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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