ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
