your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
