Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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