Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
