why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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