giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
