The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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