I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
