She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
