He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
