I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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