I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
