Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
