I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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