I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
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