They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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