that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I think my vagina is haunted
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
