This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
