P.S. I can't hear my feet
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
