i was born a porn star she said
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
