answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
