my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
In America we eat man semen.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
